


toying somewhere between love and abuse

by sarahshelena



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/F, Hate Sex, I Don't Even Know, No Plot/Plotless, Sexual Content, Shame, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:22:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6898306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it was always the same inane routine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	toying somewhere between love and abuse

**Author's Note:**

> so I found this buried in all my shitty drafts and realised I'd never edited or posted it. I gave this trash a little spit and polish and here you go
> 
> (title is from 'angel of small death and the codeine scene' by the amazing hozier)

Sarah would always hurt Rachel; both emotionally (though she'd never even realise it) and physically.

Rachel would harm her in psychological, subliminal ways.

When they fucked, it wasn't simply violent. It was brutal, abusive.

Sarah would hold Rachel down, as ordered, using her full weight; this created large bruises that bloomed lavender under Rachel's skin.

Rachel would tear the flesh of Sarah's back with her fingernails.

Only when they were both voiceless, exhausted and dripping with sweat would the _(blood)_ lust ebb away.

Sarah would sit up and Rachel would slide out wordlessly from under her as she clambered off the bed, searching in the almost-dark, stumbling into her underwear, desperately pulling her clothes on to escape, her cunt still throbbing with pain, guilt _(and want)_ , casting a glance over at Rachel, who lay among the damp sheets, utterly expressionless.

* * *

It was always the same inane routine: Sarah would act as if it was a mistake and Rachel would pretend it meant nothing as she lay silent, still and naked, her steely eyes fixed accusingly on the clone that stood before her, hands twitching with the need to seize her, to punish or pull her back into bed, whichever desire won over the other.

Neither spoke a word in these moments, but the things unsaid weighed heavy on their tongues, filling their mouths until they both swallowed convulsively.

* * *

Sarah would leave always without incident, but in her haste to get away she would rush through the apartment like a hurricane, leaving Rachel alone.

Lying in the empty bed, Rachel knew that eventually Sarah would stop coming back. That eventually she would settle for the scruffy lumberjack or some other temporarily useful man that fit her needs at the time, and wouldn't return.

She expected Sarah to admit it at least, even say it simply to hurt her. But Sarah never spoke to Rachel outside of her uncontrolled outbursts during sex that consisted mainly of cussing.

That was the extent of their relationship.

At these moments, Rachel would breathe deeply, shut her eyes.

She didn't dream.

**Author's Note:**

> so kudos and comments are lovely (and you. you're lovely if you give them)
> 
> thanks for reading
> 
> come see me at my fanfic blog and send me prompts and shite - sarahshelena.tumblr.com


End file.
